"Generation Me": 10 Tips for Raising a Selfless Child

Do we have an entire generation of kids and young adults that are too self-absorbed? As a mother, I realize that all moms aspire to raise self-confident kids who have a healthy level of self-esteem. What is becoming more evident, however, is that this generation, despite its keen sense of self, may very well be more miserable than past generations.

“Generation ‘Me’ describes anyone born in the 1970s, 1980s or 1990s. We live in a time when high self-esteem is encouraged from childhood, when young people have more freedom and independence than ever, but also far more depression, anxiety, cynicism, and loneliness,” says Jean M. Twenge, PhD, author of Generation Me. “Today's young people have been raised to aim for the stars at a time when it is more difficult than ever to get into college, find a good job, and afford a house. More than any other generation in history, the children of Baby Boomers are disappointed by what they find when they arrive at adulthood.”

Is there a happy medium? My son was born at the tail end of this generation and I already notice that he seems to have adopted some of the ”Generation Me” characteristics. Although a strong advocate of instilling a healthy dose of self-esteem, I also feel that it is important to recognize that our primary goal is to take care of yourself so that you can contribute to the well being of others. These tips should help your child feel good about themselves, while still helping them realize the importance of making a difference in the world.

1. Instill the belief in a power greater than yourself. Either teach your children about your religion of choice or about prayer to a Higher Power/God. Children need to learn that they have a “God” that is greater than they are and that God will take their burdens away as long as they learn to trust.
2. Keep kids accountable. In adverse situations, help your child to recognize “their part” and the importance of accountability. For example, there are two sides to every situation and “two wrongs do not make a right.”
3. Teach them to forgive. When someone does something to hurt your child, teach them forgiveness. Reinforce that they will feel bad as long as they continue to hold on to their upset. By holding on to the upset, they stay in the “victim mentality.” Help them to make the shift from ”victim”, to getting their power back and forgiving. Most importantly, they need to learn how to forgive themselves.
4. Play the gratitude game. Next time your child is upset for not getting what they want, play the “gratitude game.” See how many things they can name to be grateful for and watch how their mood shifts!
5. Help them find the good in everyone. Catch your child when criticizing or judging another person. Try to avoid making them “wrong” for it, but instead teach them to find the good in everyone. Next, remind them to forgive themselves.
6. Teach the gift of giving. Visit sick children at your local hospital and have your child give out small gifts or balloons. On their next birthday party, have your child select one present that they have received to give to a child in the hospital.
7. Involve them in community service. Let your child choose a charity or cause in which they can become actively involved. Participate in school fundraisers or volunteer at community events. Together, you and your child can de-clutter old toys and clothes and donate them to your local homeless shelter, The Salvation Army or other organizations that really could use them.
8. Go green. Reinforce the importance of protecting the environment and conserving energy. Teach your children to recycle, pick up trash in the neighborhood and turn lights off when leaving the room.
9. Encourage kindness. Show your child how to commit random acts of kindness. They can hold the door for others, make cookies for a sick friend, or shovel the snow for an elderly neighbor.
10. Teach the value of money. Demonstrate how honest work equals honest pay. Give them chores with a little compensation and teach them to save up for what they want or they think they need!

When they complete an activity or self-correct a mistake, praise them and help them to recognize how good they feel inside by doing the right thing so they can make a difference in the world. Lead by example. Your children watch your every move and hear everything you say. If they see you acting in such a positive way, they will most likely follow your lead.

Our children are our future. Being a parent is the most important job you will ever have. It is our responsibility to raise children that not only feel good about themselves, but ones that want to make a difference and contribute to others in their world.

Sending lasting peace,

Sandee