Monday, January 4, 2010
Five tips for turning an enemy into a friend.
Everyone knows the importance of friends. Good friends provide support during difficult times, help celebrate good times, and can even provide a shoulder to cry on. However, building and maintaining friendships is frequently challenging. What about your enemies or “frienemies”? It takes a lot of energy to keep that charade going. So why would you possibly want to turn an enemy into a potential friend?
Often times, your anxiety, stress or anger caused by a difficult relationship can adversely impact your physical and mental well being. “Your body responds to the way you think, feel and act. This is often called the ‘mind/body connection.’ When you are stressed, anxious or upset, your body tries to tell you that something isn’t right…[and] you may not take care of your health as well as you should.” American Academy of Family Physicians, http://familydoctor.org.
Here are some tips to remember the next time you encounter a so-called “enemy”, causing your heart rate to increase or a knot to develop in your stomach:
1. Accept your feelings. You’re upset, you’re angry, and your feelings are hurt. They did or said something that has upset you. Allow yourself to acknowledge what you feel. Resist the urge to bury it inside, ignore it or pretend it didn’t happen. Instead, discuss with a close friend or family member about how you feel inside. Avoid replaying the event over and over and keep your focus on your feelings.
2. Recognize that you have a choice as to how you ‘see’ this person. Try to see them as a child, crying out for love and attention. Chances are you have no idea what they have gone through in their lives. Pray for help in seeing this person in a different way. You have a choice as to how you perceive them.
3. What can you learn? What is it that you do not like about this person? What you do not like in the other person may also be a reflection of yourself. Use this opportunity to take a good look at yourself to see your part in it. Sometimes your part is simply to forgive.
4. Forgive them and yourself. You can do it! Forgiveness is not, in any way, condoning their behavior. The longer you hold on to the resentment, the longer you will feel pain. Forgiveness is simply letting go of a feeling that no longer serves you. Forgive yourself too -- you gave up your power and let them take up space in your head! Forgive and reclaim your power!
5. Engage in a conversation about ‘them’. The next time you see this person, simply ask how their day is. Keep the conversation focused on them. If they ask how you are, say “great” and then ask them another question. Stay focused and interested on how they are doing. By doing this, you will be able to ‘get out of your own way’ and begin to contribute to their well being. In fact, you may even become friends some day.
The most important thing to remember is that these tips will help you to feel better. You cannot change the other person; you can only change the way you react to and perceive them. If they are not receptive to making amends and becoming your friend, no harm is done. You will have reclaimed your power, you’ll feel good about yourself and your efforts to befriend them, and you’ll be doing something to improve your physical and mental well being.
Often times, your anxiety, stress or anger caused by a difficult relationship can adversely impact your physical and mental well being. “Your body responds to the way you think, feel and act. This is often called the ‘mind/body connection.’ When you are stressed, anxious or upset, your body tries to tell you that something isn’t right…[and] you may not take care of your health as well as you should.” American Academy of Family Physicians, http://familydoctor.org.
Here are some tips to remember the next time you encounter a so-called “enemy”, causing your heart rate to increase or a knot to develop in your stomach:
1. Accept your feelings. You’re upset, you’re angry, and your feelings are hurt. They did or said something that has upset you. Allow yourself to acknowledge what you feel. Resist the urge to bury it inside, ignore it or pretend it didn’t happen. Instead, discuss with a close friend or family member about how you feel inside. Avoid replaying the event over and over and keep your focus on your feelings.
2. Recognize that you have a choice as to how you ‘see’ this person. Try to see them as a child, crying out for love and attention. Chances are you have no idea what they have gone through in their lives. Pray for help in seeing this person in a different way. You have a choice as to how you perceive them.
3. What can you learn? What is it that you do not like about this person? What you do not like in the other person may also be a reflection of yourself. Use this opportunity to take a good look at yourself to see your part in it. Sometimes your part is simply to forgive.
4. Forgive them and yourself. You can do it! Forgiveness is not, in any way, condoning their behavior. The longer you hold on to the resentment, the longer you will feel pain. Forgiveness is simply letting go of a feeling that no longer serves you. Forgive yourself too -- you gave up your power and let them take up space in your head! Forgive and reclaim your power!
5. Engage in a conversation about ‘them’. The next time you see this person, simply ask how their day is. Keep the conversation focused on them. If they ask how you are, say “great” and then ask them another question. Stay focused and interested on how they are doing. By doing this, you will be able to ‘get out of your own way’ and begin to contribute to their well being. In fact, you may even become friends some day.
The most important thing to remember is that these tips will help you to feel better. You cannot change the other person; you can only change the way you react to and perceive them. If they are not receptive to making amends and becoming your friend, no harm is done. You will have reclaimed your power, you’ll feel good about yourself and your efforts to befriend them, and you’ll be doing something to improve your physical and mental well being.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
"Generation Me": 10 Tips for Raising a Selfless Child
Do we have an entire generation of kids and young adults that are too self-absorbed? As a mother, I realize that all moms aspire to raise self-confident kids who have a healthy level of self-esteem. What is becoming more evident, however, is that this generation, despite its keen sense of self, may very well be more miserable than past generations.
“Generation ‘Me’ describes anyone born in the 1970s, 1980s or 1990s. We live in a time when high self-esteem is encouraged from childhood, when young people have more freedom and independence than ever, but also far more depression, anxiety, cynicism, and loneliness,” says Jean M. Twenge, PhD, author of Generation Me. “Today's young people have been raised to aim for the stars at a time when it is more difficult than ever to get into college, find a good job, and afford a house. More than any other generation in history, the children of Baby Boomers are disappointed by what they find when they arrive at adulthood.”
Is there a happy medium? My son was born at the tail end of this generation and I already notice that he seems to have adopted some of the ”Generation Me” characteristics. Although a strong advocate of instilling a healthy dose of self-esteem, I also feel that it is important to recognize that our primary goal is to take care of yourself so that you can contribute to the well being of others. These tips should help your child feel good about themselves, while still helping them realize the importance of making a difference in the world.
1. Instill the belief in a power greater than yourself. Either teach your children about your religion of choice or about prayer to a Higher Power/God. Children need to learn that they have a “God” that is greater than they are and that God will take their burdens away as long as they learn to trust.
2. Keep kids accountable. In adverse situations, help your child to recognize “their part” and the importance of accountability. For example, there are two sides to every situation and “two wrongs do not make a right.”
3. Teach them to forgive. When someone does something to hurt your child, teach them forgiveness. Reinforce that they will feel bad as long as they continue to hold on to their upset. By holding on to the upset, they stay in the “victim mentality.” Help them to make the shift from ”victim”, to getting their power back and forgiving. Most importantly, they need to learn how to forgive themselves.
4. Play the gratitude game. Next time your child is upset for not getting what they want, play the “gratitude game.” See how many things they can name to be grateful for and watch how their mood shifts!
5. Help them find the good in everyone. Catch your child when criticizing or judging another person. Try to avoid making them “wrong” for it, but instead teach them to find the good in everyone. Next, remind them to forgive themselves.
6. Teach the gift of giving. Visit sick children at your local hospital and have your child give out small gifts or balloons. On their next birthday party, have your child select one present that they have received to give to a child in the hospital.
7. Involve them in community service. Let your child choose a charity or cause in which they can become actively involved. Participate in school fundraisers or volunteer at community events. Together, you and your child can de-clutter old toys and clothes and donate them to your local homeless shelter, The Salvation Army or other organizations that really could use them.
8. Go green. Reinforce the importance of protecting the environment and conserving energy. Teach your children to recycle, pick up trash in the neighborhood and turn lights off when leaving the room.
9. Encourage kindness. Show your child how to commit random acts of kindness. They can hold the door for others, make cookies for a sick friend, or shovel the snow for an elderly neighbor.
10. Teach the value of money. Demonstrate how honest work equals honest pay. Give them chores with a little compensation and teach them to save up for what they want or they think they need!
When they complete an activity or self-correct a mistake, praise them and help them to recognize how good they feel inside by doing the right thing so they can make a difference in the world. Lead by example. Your children watch your every move and hear everything you say. If they see you acting in such a positive way, they will most likely follow your lead.
Our children are our future. Being a parent is the most important job you will ever have. It is our responsibility to raise children that not only feel good about themselves, but ones that want to make a difference and contribute to others in their world.
“Generation ‘Me’ describes anyone born in the 1970s, 1980s or 1990s. We live in a time when high self-esteem is encouraged from childhood, when young people have more freedom and independence than ever, but also far more depression, anxiety, cynicism, and loneliness,” says Jean M. Twenge, PhD, author of Generation Me. “Today's young people have been raised to aim for the stars at a time when it is more difficult than ever to get into college, find a good job, and afford a house. More than any other generation in history, the children of Baby Boomers are disappointed by what they find when they arrive at adulthood.”
Is there a happy medium? My son was born at the tail end of this generation and I already notice that he seems to have adopted some of the ”Generation Me” characteristics. Although a strong advocate of instilling a healthy dose of self-esteem, I also feel that it is important to recognize that our primary goal is to take care of yourself so that you can contribute to the well being of others. These tips should help your child feel good about themselves, while still helping them realize the importance of making a difference in the world.
1. Instill the belief in a power greater than yourself. Either teach your children about your religion of choice or about prayer to a Higher Power/God. Children need to learn that they have a “God” that is greater than they are and that God will take their burdens away as long as they learn to trust.
2. Keep kids accountable. In adverse situations, help your child to recognize “their part” and the importance of accountability. For example, there are two sides to every situation and “two wrongs do not make a right.”
3. Teach them to forgive. When someone does something to hurt your child, teach them forgiveness. Reinforce that they will feel bad as long as they continue to hold on to their upset. By holding on to the upset, they stay in the “victim mentality.” Help them to make the shift from ”victim”, to getting their power back and forgiving. Most importantly, they need to learn how to forgive themselves.
4. Play the gratitude game. Next time your child is upset for not getting what they want, play the “gratitude game.” See how many things they can name to be grateful for and watch how their mood shifts!
5. Help them find the good in everyone. Catch your child when criticizing or judging another person. Try to avoid making them “wrong” for it, but instead teach them to find the good in everyone. Next, remind them to forgive themselves.
6. Teach the gift of giving. Visit sick children at your local hospital and have your child give out small gifts or balloons. On their next birthday party, have your child select one present that they have received to give to a child in the hospital.
7. Involve them in community service. Let your child choose a charity or cause in which they can become actively involved. Participate in school fundraisers or volunteer at community events. Together, you and your child can de-clutter old toys and clothes and donate them to your local homeless shelter, The Salvation Army or other organizations that really could use them.
8. Go green. Reinforce the importance of protecting the environment and conserving energy. Teach your children to recycle, pick up trash in the neighborhood and turn lights off when leaving the room.
9. Encourage kindness. Show your child how to commit random acts of kindness. They can hold the door for others, make cookies for a sick friend, or shovel the snow for an elderly neighbor.
10. Teach the value of money. Demonstrate how honest work equals honest pay. Give them chores with a little compensation and teach them to save up for what they want or they think they need!
When they complete an activity or self-correct a mistake, praise them and help them to recognize how good they feel inside by doing the right thing so they can make a difference in the world. Lead by example. Your children watch your every move and hear everything you say. If they see you acting in such a positive way, they will most likely follow your lead.
Our children are our future. Being a parent is the most important job you will ever have. It is our responsibility to raise children that not only feel good about themselves, but ones that want to make a difference and contribute to others in their world.
Sending lasting peace,
Sandee
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Can we receive messages from above?
In this age of technology, we are constantly being bombarded with messages on our phones, our computers, our televisions and, of course, email. But can we receive messages from above?
A few years ago, a friend was trying to convince me that if I was open to it, that I too would notice these messages. I was very skeptical so I asked: if you really do send us messages – show me.
Days had passed and I was starting to believe that I was right all along. Then one beautiful spring afternoon, I stopped at a red light on Sunrise Valley Drive, in Reston, Va. I looked to my left and saw a beautiful young woman, sitting there with the top down on her hot convertible sports car, and I watched her as she slowly put the cigarette to her mouth and took one big drag -- then, exhaled. I was enthralled with this because I had quit smoking only a few months earlier and I really wanted one!
Not wanting to torture myself any longer, I looked to my right and saw a beat up car, with a wrinkled old woman sitting there, with her hands shaking while trying to take the last drag of her cigarette.
I chuckled and thought – cute – ok – maybe there is something to this!
Well then, as if on cue, my radio started playing the Tom Petty Song “Well I won’t back down….” And when I heard the words “hey baby there aint no easy way out”, I knew – I had proof. As long as I had an open heart, an open mind and open eyes, I too will receive wonderful messages from above.
So if you need an answer, keep looking, as you never know when, where or how you’ll get your message!
May you always be open,
Sandee
A few years ago, a friend was trying to convince me that if I was open to it, that I too would notice these messages. I was very skeptical so I asked: if you really do send us messages – show me.
Days had passed and I was starting to believe that I was right all along. Then one beautiful spring afternoon, I stopped at a red light on Sunrise Valley Drive, in Reston, Va. I looked to my left and saw a beautiful young woman, sitting there with the top down on her hot convertible sports car, and I watched her as she slowly put the cigarette to her mouth and took one big drag -- then, exhaled. I was enthralled with this because I had quit smoking only a few months earlier and I really wanted one!
Not wanting to torture myself any longer, I looked to my right and saw a beat up car, with a wrinkled old woman sitting there, with her hands shaking while trying to take the last drag of her cigarette.
I chuckled and thought – cute – ok – maybe there is something to this!
Well then, as if on cue, my radio started playing the Tom Petty Song “Well I won’t back down….” And when I heard the words “hey baby there aint no easy way out”, I knew – I had proof. As long as I had an open heart, an open mind and open eyes, I too will receive wonderful messages from above.
So if you need an answer, keep looking, as you never know when, where or how you’ll get your message!
May you always be open,
Sandee
Friday, February 13, 2009
Stress and Meditation
She drops the kids off at school, races to the office while eating a high calorie breakfast, works through lunch so she can go to the store, and still be home in time to take Johnny to basketball practice. Then she makes dinner, helps with homework, and puts the kids to bed. Do you know anyone like this? The woman that thinks you can have it all, in spite of the high stress? High stress levels will not only affect women on the inside, but also on the outside.
Extensive medical studies show that too much stress in your life may:
§ Increase your risk for heart disease, the number one killer of women in the United States
§ Increase your blood pressure, cause sleep disorders, and hair loss
§ It can also accelerate the aging process and cause weight gain.
Even though I teach life management skills, I still think I can do it all and at times, stress gets the best of me! Two years ago, I took a meditation course that has changed my life. When you meditate you will reduce stress, relax your body and calm your mind. Recent medical studies have shown that by meditating on a regular basis:
§ heart disease patients reduced their risk of having another heart attack by 74%
§ 77% of individuals with high stress levels were able to lower their blood pressure
§ 75% of long-term insomniacs were able to fall asleep within 20 minutes after meditation
§ After 4 months of consistent meditation, your body will produce less of the hormone cortisol, thus adapting to stress no matter what the situation. Translated – you reduce poor eating habits.
§ after 5 years of consistent meditation, the aging process may be reduced by 12-15 years
So the next time you feel compelled to work a full eight hours and then proceed to over-schedule your one hour break before throwing a dinner party, think about feeding your soul instead -- and meditate!
By incorporating a meditation practice into your routine, you will keep your body healthy and you may even start to look and feel younger!
Sending lasting peace and love,
Sandee
MEDITATION CLASSES WITH TRISH KAPINOS:
Classes in March and April:
Location: Haymarket, VA
Dates: 3/14 and 4/4
Times: 9 am - 11 am
Cost: $30/per class
Location: Ashburn, VA
Dates: 2/21, 3/28 and 4/25
Times: 9 am - 10:30 am
Cost: $25/per class
For a detailed meditation class schedule go to: http://www.4give4peace.com/
Monday, February 2, 2009
The Challenge of Change
The challenge of change…
These are no doubt challenging times for all. No matter what you are faced with, change will always be the only constant in our universe. It is interesting how often we resist change. Look how much we push against it, try to push it back and keep it away until finally the only option left is to CHANGE. Why do we resist? Why is it so difficult to just go with the flow of the river of life? What is it about us that thinks that swimming upstream will have a good outcome? What has kept us stuck in a pattern that clearly no longer serves us? It’s simple…it’s our perceptions, how we relate to the world, ourselves and each other. It seems we are happiest when things stay the same, status quo, predictable and "normal". Not because it’s good, but because it’s what we are used to, it’s what we know.
Change can be challenging – we have habits, personalities and a mind that keeps things in place. Does it have to be this way? No - of course not. But that’s the challenge of change. The old way is comfortable and cozy. The new path is uncharted and wide open. Anything could happen - which is exciting and nerve racking.
You are being called in this very moment to let go, take a journey inward and discover your life’s purpose – "change". If I told you that in order to fulfill your life’s purpose you’d have to become someone completely different, how would you respond? Scared? You bet! But for many of you it would resonate that, to stand in your fullness and be all that you are meant to be, you first must CHANGE! In my work as a Life Coach, the most difficult thing for people to do is to let go of a relationship – especially if it is one with their self. It’s an old way of being and relating to who they perceive themselves to be. A habitual way of showing up in the world, over and over again, until it is no longer by choice. It is something that just happens – we then lovingly call that thing your "personality" – and identify with it as though it were a real part of you. So let me ask you, what are you willing to let go of in order to evolve and move toward the new you in this moment?
Take a moment and think of how many things have changed in your life against your will to get you here? It wasn’t easy to arrive at this current moment. There were challenges, hurts, upsets, victories and joys…there was a lot of change. Without it, you would never have gotten this far. Be grateful for the shifts, changes, and challenges of your life. It is what led you here.
The challenge drops out of the change the moment a new commitment shows up. So what is it for you? What are you committed to? How committed are you? Do you just sort of want it or are you willing to move mountains to get it? Are you open -- are you ready? The challenge of change is in the way we resist the cycles of our life, the various stages, the old and the new. Change is the only thing we can count on. Ride it out, like a surfer rides a wave into the shore. Don’t resist it -- see where it takes you. It’s an adventure. It’s called your life and "change" is the fuel.
Love and light,
Trish Kapinos
Inspirational Speaker and Life Coach
www.4gvie4peace.com
These are no doubt challenging times for all. No matter what you are faced with, change will always be the only constant in our universe. It is interesting how often we resist change. Look how much we push against it, try to push it back and keep it away until finally the only option left is to CHANGE. Why do we resist? Why is it so difficult to just go with the flow of the river of life? What is it about us that thinks that swimming upstream will have a good outcome? What has kept us stuck in a pattern that clearly no longer serves us? It’s simple…it’s our perceptions, how we relate to the world, ourselves and each other. It seems we are happiest when things stay the same, status quo, predictable and "normal". Not because it’s good, but because it’s what we are used to, it’s what we know.
Change can be challenging – we have habits, personalities and a mind that keeps things in place. Does it have to be this way? No - of course not. But that’s the challenge of change. The old way is comfortable and cozy. The new path is uncharted and wide open. Anything could happen - which is exciting and nerve racking.
You are being called in this very moment to let go, take a journey inward and discover your life’s purpose – "change". If I told you that in order to fulfill your life’s purpose you’d have to become someone completely different, how would you respond? Scared? You bet! But for many of you it would resonate that, to stand in your fullness and be all that you are meant to be, you first must CHANGE! In my work as a Life Coach, the most difficult thing for people to do is to let go of a relationship – especially if it is one with their self. It’s an old way of being and relating to who they perceive themselves to be. A habitual way of showing up in the world, over and over again, until it is no longer by choice. It is something that just happens – we then lovingly call that thing your "personality" – and identify with it as though it were a real part of you. So let me ask you, what are you willing to let go of in order to evolve and move toward the new you in this moment?
Take a moment and think of how many things have changed in your life against your will to get you here? It wasn’t easy to arrive at this current moment. There were challenges, hurts, upsets, victories and joys…there was a lot of change. Without it, you would never have gotten this far. Be grateful for the shifts, changes, and challenges of your life. It is what led you here.
The challenge drops out of the change the moment a new commitment shows up. So what is it for you? What are you committed to? How committed are you? Do you just sort of want it or are you willing to move mountains to get it? Are you open -- are you ready? The challenge of change is in the way we resist the cycles of our life, the various stages, the old and the new. Change is the only thing we can count on. Ride it out, like a surfer rides a wave into the shore. Don’t resist it -- see where it takes you. It’s an adventure. It’s called your life and "change" is the fuel.
Love and light,
Trish Kapinos
Inspirational Speaker and Life Coach
www.4gvie4peace.com
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Thoughts about the Inauguration of Barak Obama
On Saturday, January 17, 2009, President-elect Obama made the historic "whistle-stop tour", like the one President Lincoln made before his Inauguration. The reporters interviewed some of the thousands of people in the crowds in Philadelphia, Delaware and Baltimore. People were reported saying things like "this is the start of something new", "now is the time for change", and "we are excited for change". You could see their faith by the tears in their eyes and their hope of changing times by their radiant smiles. What a remarkable time we are living in!
However, as a society, we have become dependent on exterior 'things' to bring our happiness. Most people's self worth is defined by their career, the house they live in, and the type of car they drive. People worship movie stars and do not feel complete unless they are wearing the latest fad and have the hottest new technology. While these things can be fun, they only provide a temporary fulfillment that leaves you empty in the end - I am guilty of this many times over and can testify that retail therapy is only a temporary solution!
Now back to my thoughts about the Inauguration. What concerns me is that people are putting too much of their faith in President-elect Obama. Once again, they are relying on an exterior 'thing' to provide them with the inner peace they long for. Why is this so bad? Because until we realize that our happiness can only come from within, we will continue to live in the vicious cycle that our society has become so dependent on. Do we really want peace? Peace can only be attained one person at a time - by each person working on their own inner peace. Imagine that for a moment. What would your life look like if everyone you encountered was feeling blissful and truly happy - on the inside?
I've come to learn that simply by adopting some healthy habits in my daily life that I am happier and healthier, and miracles literally unfold in front of me on a regular basis. Here are some of the things that I do to feed and nourish my soul:
1. Every day before getting out of bed, list 10 things you are grateful for.
2. Improve relaxation and reduce stress by meditating at least 15 minutes a day.
3. Increase your heart rate at least 20 minutes a day by doing something you love.
4. Each day, take notice of the opportunities for you to choose forgiveness.
5. Go out of your way to commit random acts of kindness.
6. Make healthy food choices - your body, mind and spirit will thank you!
For best results, add one new healthy habit to your daily routine each week. Keep in mind that it's progress, not perfection that matters most. If you regress, no worries! Simply forgive yourself and try again.
YOU are the most important person in your life and the better you are to yourself, the more you can and will contribute to the happiness and well-being of those you care about most. Only then, will miracles start to unfold on a regular basis.
Sending you lasting peace & love,
Sandee
However, as a society, we have become dependent on exterior 'things' to bring our happiness. Most people's self worth is defined by their career, the house they live in, and the type of car they drive. People worship movie stars and do not feel complete unless they are wearing the latest fad and have the hottest new technology. While these things can be fun, they only provide a temporary fulfillment that leaves you empty in the end - I am guilty of this many times over and can testify that retail therapy is only a temporary solution!
Now back to my thoughts about the Inauguration. What concerns me is that people are putting too much of their faith in President-elect Obama. Once again, they are relying on an exterior 'thing' to provide them with the inner peace they long for. Why is this so bad? Because until we realize that our happiness can only come from within, we will continue to live in the vicious cycle that our society has become so dependent on. Do we really want peace? Peace can only be attained one person at a time - by each person working on their own inner peace. Imagine that for a moment. What would your life look like if everyone you encountered was feeling blissful and truly happy - on the inside?
I've come to learn that simply by adopting some healthy habits in my daily life that I am happier and healthier, and miracles literally unfold in front of me on a regular basis. Here are some of the things that I do to feed and nourish my soul:
1. Every day before getting out of bed, list 10 things you are grateful for.
2. Improve relaxation and reduce stress by meditating at least 15 minutes a day.
3. Increase your heart rate at least 20 minutes a day by doing something you love.
4. Each day, take notice of the opportunities for you to choose forgiveness.
5. Go out of your way to commit random acts of kindness.
6. Make healthy food choices - your body, mind and spirit will thank you!
For best results, add one new healthy habit to your daily routine each week. Keep in mind that it's progress, not perfection that matters most. If you regress, no worries! Simply forgive yourself and try again.
YOU are the most important person in your life and the better you are to yourself, the more you can and will contribute to the happiness and well-being of those you care about most. Only then, will miracles start to unfold on a regular basis.
For more information visit http://www.4give4peace.com/.
Sending you lasting peace & love,
Sandee
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